Vain, gutsy faith.

The digital age is also the age of vanity. That is, those in my generation are vain because we've always had a technological platform to spout off our thoughts and opinions. Back in the day (to use a cliche I actually quite adore), people actually had to be someone for others to listen. Now, you just need to register a domain with Blogspot, Wordpress, Facebook, Twitter, so on and so forth. This gives us a sense of empowerment with a side of entitlement, but I also think it means we're a vocal group of youngins'.

This is my place of vanity. Sure, I have Facebook and Twitter, but I don't actually do much with either site. I use Facebook to keep in touch with people, but were it not for my mates in England, I'd have no qualms about deleting my account. I don't like people all up in my business and I like to control what others know about me, and Facebook is rapidly encouraging the negation of my preferences in both areas. Twitter is where I spout off random thoughts that nobody cares about, and it is a place where you can really carve out who you are for other people to see. For instance, I've never Tweeted about how much I adore the state of Michigan, but I tweet about my teaching experiences. So, in the Twitter-sphere, my "followers" know I teach, but they don't know such a huge caveat of my personality - how I miss going to Michigan and think it's one of the greatest places in the entire world.

I address this only because I do have a purpose for this blog post, and I want to ensure it's understood why I'm discussing this topic here. I have no idea if anybody reads this. Were I a gambler, I would say no, nobody reads this. Why would they? I don't believe I have this URL published anywhere. In fact, I repeatedly tried to sign into Wordpress to find this account, only to figure out I used Blogspot. Yeah, obviously I'm the target blogger. So, this has become a type of journal for me, but a journal which has upped the ante because it is, but definition, public. It's not the reconstructed green journal I bought at a specialty store in the East Village. That is absolutely private, and they type of book I'd be horrified if it were read by anyone. No, instead this blog is a place for me to indulge my vanity in a very Kelli-way. Since I don't throw this URL out there, in a weird way I am controlling the information that people see, because they likely won't see this. That's a but metacognitive, so let's just move along now, shall we.

Let me discuss a little thing here called law school. This is a subject that has been dominating my thoughts for the past few weeks, and before that I had to deliberately push it to the back of my mind to focus on my classes. But now that I've finished them (I received an A in both, of course), I can indulge myself into my research and planning all I want. I get so much joy out of doing this, it's unnecessarily nerdy. Regardless, I've been researching a great deal. There is a website that is uncreatively named www.top-law-schools.com, which has a wealth of information about rankings, programs, and honest reviews from students and graduates. It also has a dynamic forum with absurds amounts of knowledge that I've been sifting through as I pound out my personal statement (I'm currently on draft #5). Like any internet site, there are truly articulate, thoughtful people who want to share their knowedge with others, right alongside people who post idiotic things that make me question the worth of humanity. Mixed in these posts are people who probably don't know how ridiculous they sound, and this is where my thoughts for this blog form.

I would never be cavalier to say that something is absolutely going to happen. I consciously preface statements about law school with a "if I get in" qualifier, because I do believe in Karma (in a Christian way, because I do love Jesus). I even go so far as to avoid the term "safety school", because nothing is guaranteed in this life, and law school admission is absolutely one of those uncertainties. Instead, I say things like "_____ isn't my first choice." But I digress... Without going into the "law school lingo," let's just say there are a bunch of dumbos on these forums, and it's hard not to sit there and think that if they can get into law school, I definitely can.

I have absolute faith that what is supposed to happen will. In fact, I know that I have no real say in the matter, because there are things at work much more influential and powerful than I. Sure, I need to work hard and try my best, but everything happens for a reason. I believe in the deepest part of my heart that this is the right thing for me to do - to try. I know that if I didn't, I would wonder for the rest of my life if I should've gone to law school. At least this way, I know. All I want to do is to make a difference in somebody's life. I want to go to work everyday and make the world a little bit better in some way. That is my dream job. I know that teachers do that, but I am also a firm believe that there are a lot of teachers in the field who shouldn't be, because if there is one profession that deserves only members who are absolutely passionate about what they do, it's teachers. So, personally, for me to enter to field without that passion is hypocritical and retroactive.

That leads me to law school. The profession fulfills a lot of things I was lacking in teaching: the mental challenge and stimulation, the individual nature of the job, and the go-get-'em mentality that defines many areas of law. I could sit here all day and strengthen my argument and tie up loose ends - afterall, I did study non-stop for the LSAT not a few weeks ago. But the important part is doing what you know is right. I follow my gut without blinking. It never steers me wrong, and even when I think it has, the situation usually just hasn't fully panned out yet.

That gut feeling is what led me to be the crappiest friend in the world leading up the LSAT. That gut is why I willingly do the bitch work at the office every day. That gut is why I sit at Mars Cafe on a Wednesday night and handwrite 4 different versions of an introduction instead of go out for martinis at the Lift. When I went to pick up my drunk friend from a bar at 1:30 this morning and her friend asked me what I did, that gut is why I answered without thinking, "I'm going to law school."

Faith is a great thing.